Bowling for Women

Written by Tony Adams Wednesday, 04 November 2009 12:37

When I was in high school I went bowling for a first date. I was pretty excited. She was (in order of high school importance) hot, a drummer, an all-state athlete, very cool to hang out with. Even though  I wasn't much of a bowler, and had recently partially torn one of the tendons that attach your rotator cuff to your scapula, and re-tore it the week prior at the state wrestling meet, my immediate response was "Um, yeah, sure sounds fun."

When we got there, I couldn't pick up a bowling ball with my right hand. I smiled, tried my best and bowled with my left. Not pretty. She bowled a 181. After, an old lady--probably in her eighties-- came over with her walker.  She asked if we were on a date. We said we were.

She said to my date, "Honey, he's a keeper. Any strong young man that can take an ass-whoopin' like that from a pretty girl and still smile is a keeper in my book."

Yes, I remember her exact words a decade later. As the woman turned her walker around to go back to her game, I looked up at her score and she too had done better than I. Walker and all.

In college, another girl asked me out on a date. Bowling was her choice as well.  My immediate response was "Um, yeah sure sounds fun." It ended up with a flat tire in the pouring rain.

An aside to all the ladies out there. Bowling is a horrible idea for a first date. Seriously. Unless you want to date one of the characters from The Big Lebowski, in which case you may want to solicit some new dating advice.

In short, I have not had very good luck with bowling for women. So when Jenn asked me about doing a bowling fundraiser for the Alcyone Festival, my immediate response was "Um, yeah, sure sounds fun."

The problem is I suck at bowling. I also have horrible luck as soon as I enter a bowling alley.

Help me out. I'm looking for sponsors for our bowl-a-thon. All the proceeds go to helping produce fantastic works by women. According to the Dept of Labor the percentage of women that are CEO's, farmers and ranchers are higher than the percentage of plays by women that are produced every year. The Alcyone Festival is our way to combat the 20%. But we need your help.

Sponsor me? In addition to helping to mount the Alcyone Festival, a nice side benefit would be applying a temporary tourniquet on the disaster that typically befalls me bowling for women.

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