A Balancing Act

Balance isn't something I used to think of much. I'd just go. And go. And go. And then pass out from exhaustion, sleep for two days, get back up and go.

I still work hard, but now it seems the pendulum of sorts has swung the exact opposite direction and I seem to be buried in a hunt for balance:  Work vs. family. Getting everything done that needs to be done vs. seeing my kids while they are actually awake.

Part of me wants to smack any twenty-three year old single person without kids I hear complain about how they don't have enough time to do something. But then part of me feels bad for anyone who thinks they have to quit making art because they have kids.

When I was growing up there seemed to be two types of parents. Those who quit following their dreams and those who ignored everything outside of their thing.

Those who quit what they loved, tended to work most of the time, never really seeing their kids grow up. They either missed every single game, tried to relive their dreams vicariously through their children, or worse began to resent their children.

Those who ignored their families, well . . . They either missed every single game,  tried to relive their dreams vicariously through their children, began to resent their children--or worse, they ended up no longer having a family.

It’s a difficult tightrope to try and balance on. I don’t work anywhere near as much as I used to. I don’t go out anywhere near as much as I used to. I don’t write anywhere near as much as I used to. For a while that was really hard. I’d want to go do something and I couldn’t. I’d get offered an incredible gig, and would have to turn it down.

The thing is though I’m doing far fewer shows and going out less I’ve never been happier. There’s nothing like a child’s laughter to make you forget a rough day on the job. When the kids are on my lap and Jenn’s sitting next to me, I don’t miss whatever cool thing is going on that night.

Though I’m doing far fewer shows, I’m far prouder of the work we’ve been doing. Because we have less time to do what ever we want, it needs to count. I haven’t yet figured out the magic formula to balance work and kids. I don’t know if anyone has. But there has to be a balance between being an artist and being a parent. Ignoring, avoiding and quitting part of your life only works out if that part of you was negative. Making art isn’t being a junkie.

Raising kids is hard. No matter what you do for a living--so to say one can’t make art and raise kids is a false dichotomy.  Sometimes I wonder which is more of a bummer--talented people thinking they can’t have a family and a life in theatre, or going through the motions using “art” as a shield to avoid life. Both seem to be easier choices.
 
In between those two is the thin thread of a tightrope we’re balancing on. It’s not easy, but easy doesn’t usually make anyone happy in the long-run. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. One of our company members just lost a parent. One of my cast members just lost a family member and had another go into hospice. 

There are points in all of our lives where what one does (hopefully) takes a backseat to who one is.  But what happens if we never find out who we are outside of what we do? How does one balance a home life worth living with following your passion? Do you try?