Does Being a Parent Make You a Better Actor?

Written by Jennifer Adams Tuesday, 02 February 2010 14:38

Life of a Theatre Wife

I remember, at some point, deciding that being a mother makes you a better actor. I started to believe this in my 20's, before I became a mother myself, and before I became brilliant enough to stop making broad general statements. I thought it was something to do with being pregnant and having life grow inside you.

I have grown and matured, of course, but I have to admit that I still think that being a parent CAN make you a better actor.

There are 2 main reasons for this: Loss of Self-Importance and Tactics

When you love, you hopefully put your loved ones first. Whether it be your love of family members, friends or significant other, when you love completely you do at times put the best interest of those people ahead of your own. However, you CAN choose to put yourself first, and if you do choose to put yourself first, your adult loved ones have coping mechanisms that allow them to move on. You have a safety net for self-interest, as they are adults and can take care of themselves. If you put your own needs ahead of your children's, they have no coping mechanism. They could die. It takes away your safety net.

As an actor, I really believe that putting the focus on your scene partner makes the scene stronger, raises the stakes, and allows you to be MORE invested, MORE specific and MORE engaged than if you are approaching the scene thinking solely of your own environment, mood, etc...  There is something very grounding in putting your attention on the other person, and I believe this can become intrinsic to who YOU are when you are a parent;if you allow your own experiences to be a base for your character work, I believe you automatically have a deeper well to draw on and a more mature approach and presence.

Instead of "I want ______" your focus should be "How am I going to get ______ from YOU?" You need to listen to how your actions impact your partner in order to be able to proceed with the best chance of winning. "I just did ____. Did it work? Are you doing what I want/listening to me/leaving? If not, I need to change my approach and try something different."

This leads right into tactics.

I learned about Tactics in college.

"Tactics are the strategies of human communication; they are the active ingredients of dynamic interaction... Some tactics are used to seek the support of other characters; some to silence their opposition..." Acting One, Robert Cohen (I laughed at the book's ridiculousness as I re-read it for this post, but it IS meant to teach BEGINNING skills to BEGINNING actors, and can have something to offer in a classroom setting).

My acting teachers were ALWAYS talking about tactics. and I took the same approach to that as I took to everything else... "I GET it... now can we please just ACT???" When we were given the task of writing tactics in the margins of our scripts, I thought it was my job to have the most interesting verbs, not the ones that would work the best- instead of using "My goal is 'To hurt you' with this line" I would use "My goal is 'To slash your wrists with my words' with this line." I have always had a flair for the dramatic. My teacher was not amused. Another example was when it was suggested that using colored pencils to delineate when we were using different tactics in our scripts. Yeah, I did it, but I had no idea how it was really supposed to help me be an actor.

It wasn't until I took classes here in Chicago that I truly and intrinsically got it. I took classes with Kurt Naebig at The Audition Studio, now called Acting Studio Chicago. I think it is THE best place to hone your craft here in Chicago, and I think Kurt is one of the best teachers around. For me, Michael Shurtleff's 12 Guideposts take the best of many different strategies of acting (Uta Hagen, Viewpoints, Checkov, Meisner, etc) and give them a base that is easy to understand and activate and make actionable.

Guidepost 2: Conflict
What is my dream and what can I do to my partner so that this person can make my dream come true today? Your "Fighting For" is done in a variety of ways, which are called Actions. An Action is described as an undeniable communication that affects or changes your partner to get what you want. The best actions are physical, because they are undeniable. Some examples of actions: to berate, to infuriate, to surprise, to tease etc, etc. Name the action, then play the action.

Action=Tactic=Action: It is HOW you do what you do to the other to get what you want.

As a parent, your world is STEEPED in tactics... you excite, you tease, you threaten, you punish, cajole, lead, scare, inspire.... and that is all just to get them to eat their breakfast!
And you have to be watching and listening constantly to see if your tactics are working... and be prepared to change tactics in a split-second when they don't. The results of NOT doing this can run anywhere from always having to pick up the toys yourself to becoming a Screaming Shrew that isn't fun for ANYONE (and that noone listens too after a while) to your child drinking his own pee to your child running in front of a train... (these last two are, of course, hypothetical only. Because of TACTICS!)

Now, as I said, I have matured. I know many people without children, younger and older, who are fantastic actors, and I know parents who are not. Hopefully, my broad sweeping statements have gone the way of the color-blocked shirt and parachute pants. However, I do believe that calling on your own experiences makes you a better actor, and being a parent can give you an intrinsic understanding of using tactics and focusing on the characters you are using those tactics ON that makes you a more grounded actor.

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