Jenn's blog

Discrimination Gauntlet Thrown- by our 5-Year Old

The other night, we were watching The Voice, and Tony Jr and Charlotte got into a back-and-forth about who they wanted to win. “I want the girl to win.” “I want the boy to win.” Cute, right?

Then Tony Jr said, “That girl singer is a dirty dump truck.” And even though mostly it was just to goad his sister, it struck me that it was a moment of “Boys are better.”

I know we are going to hear a lot of that. I am sure pretty soon he will learn about cooties, and then he will spend years thinking that girls have them. He will tell Charlotte that girls have them, and then she will know what they are and she will know for years that boys have them. “But we still love you, Mommy and Daddy.”

Tony Jr said that he wanted Tony Lucca to win. So did I, actually, so I did a mental fist bump.

Tony Jr. continued, “Because he has curly hair like me, and his name is Tony, and he has light skin like me.”

“Um...” I said.

Tony Jr. added, “That other guy I don’t want to win, because he is bald, and he doesn’t have light skin like me, he has dark skin, and...”

I felt my heart fall into my knees. I looked at Tony Sr, and I could tell he was feeling the same way.

I was floored. I mean, I understand he’s five, but... I guess because we have so many friends from different places, and backgrounds, and countries, and cultures that are in our house and our lives, and they are people that he is closer to than either of his parent’s families in many ways, I just hoped that we would breeze right past this.

I think at first we both felt an urgency to “correct” things. But how do you do that without turning it into something that will loom in the mind of a 5 year old, making it turn into something even bigger for him because it was such a big deal for us? If we take his thumb out of his mouth he instinctively puts it right back in, laughing at (and more importantly, filing away) his ability to get our goat.

If a 5 year old likes something, if something is a Yes, that makes the other thing a No. If a 5 year old likes something, than he hates the other thing. Everything is about love and hate all the time. If Tony Sr or I take more than 2 minutes to go see his new cool dance move, than “Mommy and Daddy hate me.”

So for him, in that moment that had nothing to do with the other moments in his life, curly-haired, light-skinned Tony Lucca was awesome, and that meant that bald, dark-skinned Jermaine Paul was stupid and gross. And that girl, Juliette Simms, was a dirty dump truck.

Today, with time to process it, I could bring myself into his mind. Of course, he sees an adult man on tv that looks like him, and he thinks “He looks like me. I could be him when I grow up. That is cool.” Every time Tony Jr meets someone named Tony, or sees someone with reddish-brown curly hair, he feels an instant connection. Hell, I’ve done the same thing...

My world was a lot different before J-Lo taught people to embrace the curvy figure. I used to be thought of, all through elementary up through high school, as fat and gross because of my curves. J-Lo changed other people’s perception about what is beautiful, and while I always thought I was beautiful, I saw myself in her and instantly felt sexier. I even got the nickname J-Lo given to me at work (and J-Le, and later J-La when I got married...)

And it is true for all kids, I think. I loved the picture of President Obama letting a young boy rub his hair. Kids see a grown up that looks like them and that person becomes someone that they look up too, and that an african american boy can look at Obama and say "That could be me someday."  Young African-Americans can look at him and see their future in him.

And yet, of course, it isn’t that easy. Because if we don’t use this opportunity- and I do think of it as an opportunity- to help him understand the complexity of it, if we don’t give him opportunities to think about the shallowness of that kind of thinking, then he will think that that is the RIGHT way of thinking...

One of the first things I did was say, “You know who else has a different skin color than you? Mommy. And Daddy. And Charlotte. Look.” And we all put our arms up next to each other so we could see the difference. Right? Wrong? I have no idea, but I was thinking of that picture of the skin-colored crayons that came out on Facebook and the impression that it left on me. It seemed like something immediate that he could see and touch and feel.

This morning we watched an episode of Strawberry Shortcake where she tells her cat, Custard, that life would be “Berry, berry boring” if everyone had whiskers and a tail.

And we had serious conversations too, Tony Sr with him last night and me today on the way home from the store, about how it is not okay to not like someone because their skin is a different color of because they are a girl. But it is such a delicate thing to do, to give him the tools and knowledge without giving him a weapon to use as an instigator...

Everyone always talks about their surprise at how young kids are when they bring things up... and it is true. And if you don’t acknowledge it, I think it leaves an imprint that will stay when they are 15. And 35. And 60. And then, how do things ever get better?

So I could definitely use some help here. Parents out there- what do you say to your kids? How do you keep the dialogue open?  So that these thoughts don’t stay with our kids through their whole lives? One of the first things babies learn is how to recognize difference. So how do we help our children use this positive aspect of their growth as an instrument to see difference as a beautiful thing, instead of allowing it to grow into (even unintentionally) as a tool for discrimination?

Harness the Power of Pretend Starting Monday!

TonysmallMooCow

In 3 Days Time...
Imagine What Your Child Could See?
Will He Be a Bee?
Will She Be a Tree?
Will They Sail a Boat 'Cross the Deep Blue Sea?
Let's FInd Out!
Sign Up for Class With Me!

Using a child’s natural ability to pretend to begin exploring the basics of theatre.

Your child will have a great time, strengthen their imagination, and begin to build the confidence necessary to “perform” in front of each other

Monday, April 9 through Monday, May 28 (Monday, May 28, will be a Showcase for the parents!)

Mondays, 11:00-Noon
4 & 5 yr olds
$120

Please email Jenn Adams at Jenn@Halcyontheatre.org for more information.

Class will be held at Horner Park
2741 West Montrose Avenue, Chicago, IL

Fighting What If?

High School Hopeful

When I was growing up, I would watch every award show, every televised concert, everything that included music that I could get my parents to let me watch. And inevitably, when I would watch, I would end up with a huge lump in my throat and tears running down my cheeks. Because I could feel the music pounding in my chest. I could feel the emotion, and I would envision myself being the one up there.

I remember there was one night when I was babysitting, and after the kids went to bed I turned on TV. On PBS was a concert, and even though I didn’t recognize the artist I was transfixed. He was such an incredible story teller, and when they panned to the audience, the whole audience felt like I did sitting on that couch. They heard his words, and felt his voice, and it took them away to a time or place in their life and it was magic. It was James Taylor. That moment made me realize that that was what I wanted to accomplish with my life.

It still happens. Only now... there is always a wistfulness about it, because with everything that I have done and have been doing, music and singing have definitely taken a back burner. I’m not going to act like “oh I’ve been wasting my time blah blah blah” because clearly I NEVER stop working, trying, acting, directing, producing, trying to make a difference, trying to be a good wife, be a good mother, try not to become a huge blimp in the process... but still... what if...?

I think I experienced so much insecurity, and because of that I had some pitch problems when I would try to take risks, would feel scared to have a vision. Because of that, I thought maybe it wasn’t my path. With theatre, I never had that problem. Especially with directing, I have rarely had a problem with insecurity ;)

With acting, about 6 years ago, I started to get stage fright. It manifested itself in losing my lines. And when I got scared about losing my lines, it made me MORE insecure and I lost MORE lines... I gave up acting. For years. And then came Trickster. And after the first rehearsal, I never had stage fright, I never had insecurity; I found grounding, I found my voice.

What if...?

What if I gave myself permission to soar, permission to fail, permission to try? So that’s what I am going to do.

I’m going to work on 4 songs, and perform them at Ceyx Series in July. I’ve sung a million times, but I have never put myself out there and said, “Here I am and here’s my soul.” And until I do, it will always be... “What if?”

 

Things We Love: Fantastically Strange

This video, called SOLIPSIST, was brought to my attention by a Facebook friend. It's a beautifully done short film. In general I just think it is so cool, but it hit home especially because we have been having a lot of conversations with Tony Jr. lately about The Big Bang, the Sun's solar flare, Earth, comets and asteroids, and of course the ever-favorite topic of his, death.  I wanted to share it, and also the "Making of" video the director, Andrew Huang, did for it...

ENJOY!

 

SOLIPSIST from Andrew Huang on Vimeo.

SOLIPSIST - Making Of from Andrew Huang on Vimeo.

BREAD (written Friday night)

bread

As I was cleaning up from baking my bread tonight, my thought process was like one of those cartoons where the fairies jump from one stone in the water to another. It started with bricks.

I read in my bread book, Bread Alone (a fantastic Christmas present from my man), that you can use red house bricks to create your bread oven. SO I went out in the yard, got some, washed em, seasoned em by baking em a few times, and cooked on em. It’s cool.

As I was cleaning up from baking my bread tonight, I smelled the bread baking, empowered by the smell of a brick hearth. And I thought “When we get our own house, I would love a brick kitchen.” I imagined myself baking in it, covered in flour, smelling like bread. Then I realized that the kitchen in my mind was my great-grandmother’s actual kitchen, in the house that I have always wanted to live in.

Just then Tony walked in, because he wanted to read to me from an article that he was reading.

As I was cleaning up from baking my bread tonight, I smelled the bread baking, empowered by the smell of a brick hearth, and Tony read to me thoughts from Caridad Svich about Landscape Playwrights vs. Inside Playwrights, and Kushner saying about Maria Irene Fornes, “Every time I listen to Fornes, or read or see one of her plays, I feel this: she breathes, has always breathed, a finer, purer, sharper air.”

As I was cleaning up from baking my bread tonight, I was covered with flour and smelling my great-grandmother’s kitchen, and listening to my life/art partner talk about theatre, and the way it moves through space and time the way that atoms and stars move through space and time. It felt like the way artists in the ‘30’s and ‘40’s would sit in coffee shops smoking and talking about art, politics, the taste of a good wine. Only cigarettes were replaced with bread. A good trade.

We talked a little more, and the talk of theatre and playwriting intermingled with talk of Chaos Theory and how if gravity had been 1 fraction of an iota less or more, there would be no universe. The ridged structure of the cosmos allows for infinite possibilities. Like bread. There is a rigid structure. There is even an equation for what temperature to make the water that mixes with the yeast. But every loaf is unique, every loaf is alive. Every loaf stands on the brink of greatness or disaster. And there are so many ways to influence the outcome.

There is a really cool moment that happens to me sometimes when I direct a play. It is a moment of, “Wow. This is going to be something special!” It doesn’t always happen with a show, and shows can be great without getting that feeling, but when it happens it is a moment of magic. It happens to me also when I am kneading the dough for my bread. I can feel in the dough when it is going to be something special. The bread can be good without feeling that moment, but it means a more methodical, patient, moment-to-moment process to make sure you keep that bread on the side of greatness and not disaster.

As I was cleaning up from baking my bread tonight, I realized that like the yeast that ignites differently the moment it hits the cold-hot-tepid-spring-tap water, a story can be sparked from a picture, a smell, a town, a glance. Like the rigid idea we have of what a play is, so many of us think only of Wonder Bread when we think of a sandwich- mass-produced, always the same taste, stuck in the era of Donna Reed and Leave it to Beaver... But there are thousands of kinds of bread, with different flourishes, additions, flavors, histories. And even so, at the end of the day, all you really need is flour, water, yeast, and the ability to listen and be patient.

YESTERDAY WAS AN AWESOME DAY!!!

I have been so nervous all week. I didn’t realize it at the time- I was also sick, so I think that acted as a scapegoat for my feelings- but before yesterday, I don’t know if I had made eye contact with Tony Sr. in the last 7 days! Yesterday was our first get-together with our new Artists-in-Residence, following our first session of The Compass Lab. PLUS, Tony decided that for the first session of the lab we should present a monologue from “Cymbeline” just to show where each of us is at. It was a morning that could have Rocked or Fizzled in my mind, and I was nervous.

It Rocked. Not in that “OhmyGodthatwasalifechangingpivotalmoment” kind-of way, but in a “Icanreallyseethebeginningsofanamazingyearandfuture” kind-of way.

The Lab was a great beginning. Everyone was on the same page, it felt like, in terms of being nervous but excited. The... very COLD...air was filled with openness and anticipation of what was going to happen. There were Company Members, Artists-in-Residence, and Guest Artists. There were people who had a lot of experience with Shakespeare, and people who have never done a Shakespearean monologue before but were ready to go balls out to show where they were at. I learned so much.

Then we had lunch at our house for Halcyon Company and A-I-R’s. I got to serve my homemade bread, which is my new passion, and everyone shared food and thoughts and laughed at how many cupcakes Charlotte and Tony Jr. ate... and then we re-introduced ourselves since there were new people there, and I asked everyone to talk about where they want to go, what they love about theatre in the world, and why Halcyon is the place they felt drawn to to do it. I was nervous that the last part of the question was going to sound self-serving, but that wasn’t my intention. Not everyone was at the same interview session, and my hope was that the people who hadn’t met before today would get to know about each other what we had learned at their interviews. It was invigorating and exciting and made me feel even more humble and passionate about the way I hope Halcyon can change the world.

You may not see it for a bit- a lot of it will be internal while we get to know each other and learn and grow- but this is going to be an amazing year for Halcyon, and for me personally. I hope you will read about it through the Company Member and Artist-in-Residence blogs, and through coming to Ceyx Series events. And when we are ready... I think these artists, who I am so excited to be getting to know, are gonna knock your socks off!

The Americans

originally posted at the DCA Theater's blog on 10/11/11

When Coya Paz and Halcyon Theatre started working together to create The Americans a year and a half ago, I joined as Assistant Director because Coya works in a style that I have never done before and I wanted to learn more about it, and because she was going out of town and would need a director to take over when she left. I knew a little about what to expect, but not much.

It was a fascinating process- the first part of the rehearsal process was so focused on each of us and people outside of the rehearsal room that it didn’t feel like we were rehearsing for a play. “Everyone stand on one side of the room. Now, think of the room as a scale from 1 to 10. Now, stand on the scale in accordance to the questions I ask. #1- How American are you?”

Throughout the weeks, I changed. My opinions became stronger. My social consciousness grew. I had a deeper understanding of what it meant to be from this country as opposed to living in this country, to be in America as opposed to being American. My growing frustration at the way that color influences people’s prejudice grew (for example, who is getting to get arrested by immigration, the Hispanic girl who is working in the restaurant or the Irish girl working at the same restaurant?), but also I developed a frustration at the labels that were thrown about to describe Americans that were obviously aimed at the White middle class, because I am white middle class, and I am not who was being talked about. It gave me a need to look at even more of the whole picture than I already was. Fortunately, I was in exactly the right place to learn and express my point of view!

And my words were put in the show! How strange and fun it felt when I heard the actors saying lines that had come out of MY brain! I’m not a writer!

When The Americans was accepted as part of the DCA Theater Incubator Series, I couldn’t be a part of it because I was directing another show. I got to attend one rehearsal, that’s it… I was so excited to see not only how much more had been added, but how the existing parts had been fleshed out and enhanced, and selfishly I was proud to see my words had been kept in many places.

I didn’t get to see the staged reading at the DCA Studio Theater, but I did get to see it as an inaugural production at the Arts Center, Logan Square – Avondale. It wasn’t produced by Halcyon in any way, which was such a strange and bittersweet feeling… it was the first time Halcyon has been a part of creating something and then watched and supported as it went on to be produced without us. I felt pride in what Coya had created and our role in it, pride at what the actors had brought to it, and very grateful to DCA Theater for having a place where work like that can be grown.

The Americans had a profound effect on the way I think about our society and the way that art can be an influence and an instrument in social change. I am so glad that I got to watch it bloom, through its first staged reading, through the Incubator Series, and into a thought-provoking piece of theatre that puts a mirror up to our lives and our perceptions about who we are.

Alcyone 2011 Blog Post, Part II- The Art of Adaptation

Written by E.M. Lewis. Find the original post here.

In the last year, I've had two opportunities to practice the art of adaptation.  They were my first tries, and I learned a lot as I went along.  The first thing I learned was that any adaptation is a sort of marriage of two minds -- and like any marriage, though it can be extremely rewarding, it ain't easy.

 
ENTANGLEMENT
 
The first adaptation project came to me through a playwriting colleague.  A book publisher was looking to add multi-media content to its offerings.  A first attempt had been successful for them, so they decided to branch out -- asking four dramatic writers to create new fictional stories for the screen, using the books of four of their non-fiction writers as a starting point.  Each thirty-minute film would ideally showcase the ideas of each of their writers, but be compelling stories on their own -- and able to stand together or apart, depending on how the publisher chose to market them.
 
I was getting ready to leave Los Angeles when this opportunity came my way.  I'd received a playwriting fellowship at Princeton University that was taking me to the other side of the world -- well, to New Jersey, anyway -- to work on my new play for the 2010-2011 academic year.  I'd already decided to quit my sensible day job at the end of May, in order to give myself a real-live summer vacation back on the family farm, in between.  I liked the director when I met him, the project sounded like an interesting challenge, the money they were offering would pay for my moving expenses... and so I signed on.  I now had a project for my summer vacation!  Here's how it went:
  • I read the source material.
  • I thought about the source material.
  • I came up with half a dozen possible story scenarios, and then discussed them with the director and lead writer.
  • For the three favorites, I came up with rough outlines.
  • With the director, we chose one scenario to be my project.
  • After discussions with the director and head writers, I refined the outline, changing some key features to make sure it fulfilled the needs of the over-all project.
  • Upon turning in the refined outline, I was paid the first of two installments for my work on the project.
  • I left for Oregon -- and began to write the script.
  • There was angst and wrestling with the source material and some tearing out of hair.  But doesn't all writing feel this way sometimes?  There were also moments when it was fun and fantastic.  I liked the characters I'd created.
  • I turned in my first draft.
  • I took an hour's worth of notes on the first draft over the phone, scribbling as fast as I could.
  • I struggled to figure out the notes, and how to implement them.
  • I turned in the second draft.
  • I took another hour's worth of notes on the second draft.  But I'd clearly been writing in the right direction, despite that seeming evidence to the contrary.
  • I struggled to figure out the notes and implement them.
  • I turned in my final draft.  (We were contracted for three.)
  • I was paid the final check for my work.

I'm very glad I did the project.  It gave me the chance to work with a bunch of smart, creative, hard-working people on a type of project I'd never worked on before.  I was paid -- well -- for my work.  I was proud of my finished script, even if it was a different kind of pride than I have in a creation all my own.  I used some skills from my graduate program at USC that I hadn't had a chance to before -- outlining the screen story with Frank Tarloff, and screenwriting classes with Ben Masselink and Jason Squire.  And I got a hint of what writing for television must be like -- something that I'm interested in, like a lot of playwrights these days.
 
Last week, the director sent me a promo for the film.  It's done, it's in the can, they're almost done editing it.
 
It looks gorgeous.
 
I hope it's good!
 
I'm glad I did it.
 
 
As a general rule, I’ve found that any time someone offers me the opportunity to work really hard at something I love -- I should say yes.  Which brings me to the second adaptation project I said yes to this year.
 
STRONG VOICE
 
Not long after finishing my summer vacation and film adaptation project and moving east, I received an e-mail from Tony Adams, artistic director of Halcyon Theater in Chicago.  He’d produced my play "Heads" in his Alcyone Festival of works by women a couple years before.  And he and his associate artistic director (and wife) Jenn Adams had decided to do something extra crazy and bold for the 2011 Alcyone Festival.  They were asking five women playwrights with whom they had worked before to either adapt, riff upon, or otherwise engage with the work of a woman playwright from 1870 or earlier.
 
I said yes.
 
I also said I didn't really know the work of any women playwrights from 1870 or earlier.  (They weren't deterred by this -- it rather proved their point, that there was a canon there, ripe for retrieving.) 
 
Tony suggested I give Hrosvitha a try.  She was the earliest of the women playwrights whose work survives to this day.  She was a Tenth Century Benedictine canoness who lived in an abbey at Gandersheim in Saxony (now Germany) and wrote odd little comic plays and serious poems about the early Christian women martyrs.
 
I still don't know why Tony suggested her to me.  But as I read her work, and read about her, something pinged inside me.
 
It's hard to say what.  Maybe it's that I was raised Catholic.  Maybe it's that I remember reading books about the early Christian martyrs as a child (along with every other book I could get my hands on) that intrigued and disturbed me.  Maybe it's that I have struggled with issues of faith and philosophy and spirituality as an adult.  Or maybe it's that the notion of martyrdom seems so much more overwhelmingly complicated to me now than it did when I was a child.  It's not that I don't think there aren't things worth dying for (terrified as I am of mortality).  It’s that the practical application of so-called martyrdom seldom lives up to my expectations, and seems to frequently take a lot of innocent people with it.
 
So I ended up writing a play about 9/11.
 
Hrosvitha is known as (in fact, she called herself) the "strong voice" of Gandersheim.  So I called my play "Strong Voice."  Halcyon promised to produce it in their Chicago theater if I wrote it, so I set the story in Chicago.  Halcyon's mission includes producing plays that reflect the beautiful diversity of their city, so I made my heroes an African-American woman and a Latino man -- two Chicago police detectives who are investigating the disappearance of a nun and the desecration of a mosque in the wake of 9/11.
 
I've always liked detective stories, since the first Sherlock Holmes stories I devoured when I was in elementary school.  And what I ended up with was definitely a detective story.  But it was also the story of a bunch of people re-evaluating what they believe in the wake of events that challenged everything they knew to be true.
 
Hrosvitha herself became a character in the play, literalizing my own struggles to come to terms with her and her work.  And in some ways, it became a play about storytelling.  How we tell our own story, how we frame our lives and beliefs in words, and who will have the strongest voice in the most difficult times.
 
It hasn't been an easy play to write.  And even though it's playing now in Chicago, I'm not sure I'm done wrestling with it.
 
The process was helped along, though, by input from others.  Much of my work as a writer is done alone in my room, muttering under my breath in all my characters' voices in a strange, solitary, noisy literary schizophrenia.  But I love getting feedback.  I value being part of a writing workshop.  I want my course corrected when I veer and to be called on any and all bullshit, sentiment and overwriting I might allow to creep in.  Encouragement doesn't hurt either.
 
I received good support and feedback on pieces, parts and drafts of this project from the folks in my playwriting workshop at Passage Theater in Trenton, fellow playwright Jami Brandli (who kindly gave me notes on an ugly early draft), and my smart and capable director Margo Gray.  All mistakes remaining are, of course, my own.
 
Margo was casting the play before I'd figured out its ending.  The play changed drastically during rehearsals, as I refined the characters and figured out what the play was about.  (Because that's never something I know going in -- always something I figure out as I go along.)  Everything about the play happened very fast, in play terms.
 
When I sat out in the audience on June 12, watching the first performance, I wondered at it all.  Me, a dead Benedictine woman, and a bunch of blank pieces of paper.  Add research and work and time.  Temper with creative criticism and infuse with the talents of director, committed actors and a theater company that stands behind its promise to produce new work.  And you have a play.
 
 
Both of these projects were the broadest sort of adaptations.  I'd like to try my hand at a closer adaptation, perhaps of a young adult novel.  I'd also like to write a spec television script -- mucking about with someone else's characters for a bit.
 
I'm busy working on some original plays now -- entirely in my own head again, for better and for worse.  But I haven't seen the last of adaptation.  It's a challenge I'd like to take on again. 
 
Working hard at something you love is always good.
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Meet the Ladies of Alcyone Part Two: The Future- J. Nicole Brooks

Shotgun Harriet opens today at 2:30!

J. Nicole Brooks is an actor, playwright, director, blogger and demigod. In 2007 her debut play Black Diamond: The Years the Locusts Have Eaten (2007 Joseph Jefferson Award Nomination) was commissioned & produced by the Lookingglass Theatre in Chicago to critical acclaim. Other productions include Kamala, Masterclass (2007) for The Siddhartha Project commissioned & produced by Collaboraction Theatre, and Fedra Queen of Haiti (2009 Black Theatre Alliance Award) commissioned & produced by Lookingglass Theatre Company. She was recipient of the Black Theatre Alliance Award Best Actress 2010, LA Ovation Award Best Featured Actress 2008, and is a TCG Fox Foundation Resident Actor Fellowship (Round 4). She is an ensemble member with Lookingglass Theatre and an associate with Collaboraction. She currently resides in Los Angeles where she acts, writes and tosses grenades at those who block her path. For more Tom Foolery visit www.doctaslick.blogspot.com

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