I think we all have some regrets, though it is important to separate regrets about things one had little or no control over and those one really could control. There are many jobs I wish I had been offered, or more recently I was disappointed that I did not win a play competition, but as long as one did one's best, it isn't exactly fitting to have "regret" because it was out of one's hands (for the most part). As far as affairs of the heart, it is a more complicated story and maybe one does spend too much time wondering if something could have been said or done differently to have a different outcome (i.e. the one you wanted). I will return to this theme in a later post, since my first theatrical exercises are based around romantic regret at least tangentially. But I can already see past that to (hopefully) more mature work once that is out of my system.
I did decide my last year of college that I would try not to let fear hold me back too much from things I really wanted to do or try. A big big piece of this meant getting outside my own head. I would play things a thousand different ways but never act or tell people how I felt (particularly women that I had some interest in). Well, I did break out to some extent, and no, it rarely worked the way I wanted, but it was still better than lying in bed thinking about what I should have said if I only had the nerve.
So in general I agree with Helen Rowland, who wrote: "“The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.” Regrets of omission, I guess. I do strive to avoid those kind of regrets.
In general, I fared better at getting my way at school and work. I went to grad school. I wanted to move to New York, and within a year I landed a position in New York. I even worked abroad for 18 months. I've traveled to places I never imagined I would get to, particularly Italy and Japan. And in my leisure time, I have tried to see the shows that interest me. Some years that means seeing a lot of shows (at least 30 in 2010).
There are many shows I've missed, but not all that many I thoroughly regret missing. Either I was not in Chicago at the time, I didn't have the money or tickets were extremely hard to come by (and these don't count as regrets of omission) -- or deep down I wasn't that interested. Chad Deity falls into that last category. Part of me says - everyone says it's great, it is about so much more than wrestling, etc., you have to see it. But fundamentally I hate sports and movies about sports and theatre about sports. I just wouldn't have gotten past that aspect of it, no matter how great it was. So I can't regret not going. Virginia Woolf is the new hot ticket, and yeah, I probably should go for the acting. And maybe I will if I get a free or severely reduced ticket. But I don't feel any burning desire to go, and I won't actually regret it if I don't make it.
On the flip side, there are a fair number of things that didn't turn out to be worth my time, and I am sometimes sorry I went, but without knowing this ahead of time, I made the best judgement I could.
Oddly, one of the few "regrets" I have is that I didn't see McNally's A Perfect Ganesh when it was playing in Manhattan in 1993-94. I was in New York a lot that year (I was actually living in Newark). I had definitely cut back on theatre-going from my college days, but I still went out occasionally. In fact, I managed to catch Angels in America (both parts) right before it closed at about the same time. (And yes, that would have been the much bigger regret to have missed Kushner's opus while I had the chance.) But, knowing then what I know now, I would have gone.
Ultimately, it is impossible to live a life without any regrets, but by seizing opportunities when they arise and not regreting things that are truly out of one's control, one can be more at peace with oneself and one's decisions. I will end by saying I was surprised to be asked to be on the Halcyon Board of Directors, but it was an opportunity that I have seized, and I would have certainly regretted it later had I turned it down. I'll probably write more on this turning-point later.