Elizabeth's blog

I wake up promptly at am with questions of "What if I don't fit in?"  "What if the other kids don't like me?"  "What if my teachers think I suck?"  "What if I have no where to sit at lunch or worse someone steals my double order of milk!?!?!"  And just like that, I am back in first grade worrying nonstop about all of the what ifs. 

I had absolutely no idea what to expect.  I had my schedule of classes, each at two and a half hour a piece, and my bike directions for class, and I have never been more terrified about anything than I was for my first day of grad school. 

I biked to my first class, which starts at am, and the second that I hop on my bike I begin sweating because one, the Savannah heat is pretty fierce at 7:30am and two, it's quite possible that I was biking with the speed of Spiderman and superman combined because of my nerves and adrenaline pumping.  Needless to say, by the time I got to school, it had looked like I finished the first portion of the Iron Man Triathlon.  I thought, "No big deal, everyone is going to be sweaty... It's Savannah!" 

I walked into my stage combat class and it's so quiet that I swear the other few students in the class could hear my racing heart beat.  A few more students trickle in, but no one is saying anything.  Me, in my awkwardness, turn to the other students and say, "Hey!!!" (yes, three exclamation points are necessary because I clearly could not contain my excitement or my nerves)... "My name is Elizabeth, I am a grad student!  Whats your names?"  And one by one I was introduced to my fellow peers, my teammates, my companions, my friends.  Within minutes, my worries just began to seep away and I came to realize that my worries and fears derived from my own insecurities.  I realized that the other ten grad students are here for the exact same reason I am:  They want to make something better of themselves, professionally, emotionally, and perhaps physically and as scarry as it might be for me, I know that with this one common factor we are all in this together!  So, if I just jumped off the highest cliff in the world, it's going to be okay because there are 10 others with me, who hopefully have a spare parachute.  Next stop... Auditions....

One month ago, I began the adventure to the most exciting journey of my life... grad school!  Of course this meant, giving up everything in Chicago and relocating physically and emotionally to Savannah, GA where I will be spending the next two years as a full time Performing Arts student. 

After one week of hustling and bustling through boxes and boxes and.... yup... more boxes, I finally unpacked my apartment located smack dab in the historic district of Savannah.  The Spanish moss hangs from the incredibly large, prehistoric looking tree in the back yard, of which I swear it will just topple onto our apartment during some huge storm that we are bound to get anyday now.  Oh!  That reminds me, I think my favorite part about this little city thus far is the afternoon thunderstorm that says hello everyday around 4pm.  Some days 5 or PM, but you get the idea.    

So.... what have I been doing for this past month?... simply just trying to find myself, yet again, in a brand new city of about a 3 mile radius.  Thats right.. downtown Savannah is 3-4 miles at best.  I go for a morning run to find that I have ran the entire perimeter of the city in 25 minutes.  When I think of how much smaller this city, no town, is compared to Chicago, I can feel my heart begin to thump, my throat feels like it's swelling, and my breathing becomes so heavy at just the thought of how much smaller this place is.  Chicago is so huge that it has it's own teeny little towns within it... Rogers Park, Lincoln Park, Wicker Park, and any other Park you can think of.

This past month, though absent from this blog, I have gone from block to block in this little town, looking at the brilliant architecture that has somehow managed to preserve it's original brilliance centuries ago, and beginning to breathe in this new found air that this journey has given me.  Everyday, I step out my door for my morning walk/run..depending on the ol' knee, and take one deep breath in and realize that this place maybe small, a bit confined even, but it is a stepping stone leading me into one hell of a journey!  Next up?... Day one of Grad School.

It is my senior year at Northern Kentucky University.  I am about to graduate with my BFA in theatre/ acting and all I could think about was going to grad school.  All I wanted was to continue studying theatre.  I felt like I was on this awesome road of discovery, challenge, and I had this intense submersion.... no.... rather a passionate love affair with studying this craft that was only to be cut short.  Undergrad was where I really became introduced to theatre where as many of my peers were performing much earlier on.  Instead, I was performing as a competitive gymnast all the way up until college.  Long story short I felt like there was so much more learning and growing that I wanted and needed to do with acting.  And like so many other actors in this world with the same desire for grad school, I tried and tried to get in, but it only led to a tapped out wallet and a bit of an emotional breakdown.  So, what else was there for me to do other than pack up what little belongings I had and head to the great city of Chicago and take acting head on!

After working in Chicago for the past two years performing for several different theatres, taking dance and improv classes, and performing in a couple of industrial videos and film, I am proud... elated... ready to jump off the roof with celebration because I am officially going to grad school this fall!  After trying for about two years to get into grad school, I was accepted into the Savannah College of Art and Design in Savannah Georgia to get my MFA in Performing Arts.  I could not be anymore joyous about this opportunity, but I must admit that leaving Chicago was a very difficult process; one that I was not prepared for. 

Over the past two years that I have been living in Chicago, I have struggled, succeeded, and struggled some more.  During the day I worked at an office full time to make financial ends meet, while at night I auditioned, took classes, whatever I could to keep my fire alive.  I made connections.  I made friends.  And now BAM!  It's time to leave.  I know what your saying, "But you are going to grad school!  This is what you have always wanted!"  Of course this is what I want, but having to put aside all of the things I worked so hard to obtain was an extremely difficult task.  I had to stop taking improv classes at the world famous Improv Olympic Training Center when I only had two more sessions left.  I had to pass up on a few amazing performing opportunities.  I had to cancel my dance classes that I was absolutely in love with!  My point is I sacrificed a lot to go back to school.  I had to make sacrifices that I did not know how to make three years ago when I was desperate to continue studying.  I had no idea what it took to really understand this timultous process of grad school.  I mean, I knew what it was to travel everywhere just for one audition at one school, but I didn't know what it meant to truley make a sacrifice until now.

My point is this, we all know that nothing comes easy.  Yes, theatre takes a great amount of patience, struggle, and heartache to reach the occasional success.  But until you actually make the sacrifice for it, whether it's giving up the things you love most, or working somewhere miserable just so that you can afford to be that struggling night time actor, then you will truly succeed.  I think I succeeded this time around with grad school not only because I am wiser now or have an impressive resume, but I think it's because I finally made that sacrifice of giving up everything I have worked for over the past two years in Chicago to go back to school because that is how bad I want it.  You want to make this profession work?  Then be ready to make the sacrifices.