Where to Begin?

I've had several impulses to blog about Trickster (and having to miss all of December's rehearsal process to be in Taiwan for my grandfather taking ill and passing) and Iphigenia...(a rave fable) now in rehearsals but I didn't do anything and now my brain is clogged with a tangle of ideas. 

So I'll just start with what's going on right now: I'm overwhelmed. Tony mentioned after rehearsal yesterday and today that I looked like my brain exploded and it's a possibility. Iphigenia crash lands on the neon shell that was once her heart (a rave fable) is a lot. And I'm processing. Or desperately trying to. I really, really want to do justice to this character but I don't even understand the rough edges of her let alone have my lines down. And tomorrow starts Week 3 of our Trickster run and while I'm excited to see our motley family again and fly Swan Woman's wings, it's a hard gear shift. And I have an audition in the morning on ear prompter. And it's 2AM. And I got a ticket for having a cracked windshield - what the - ? And...and...and...

I'm overwhelmed. Iphigenia says, "Every part of me is breaking. But I'm alright." And right now, Christine is alright, but she hasn't really tackled the "every part of me is breaking" yet. I'm emotionally on the edge of the swimming pool that is Iphigenia. I'm testing the water's temperature and trying to get a sense of the depth and overall shape. But it's a big formless pool that looks really deep. And I don't have time to figure everything out from the water's edge. 

I suspect that she will cost me emotionally, not in a "I'm gonna go crazy" kind of way but in a "open up your bags of sh*t and roll around in it" kind of way.

Am I ready to find out what "every part of me is breaking" feels like?

Am I ready to merge with the girl who hears the screams of the fresa girls of Juarez and trips acid with Achilles? 

Am I ready to fight the destiny of Death for a chance at Love and self-actualization?

When I dive in, will I be able to make sense - or more importantly Story- of it all?

Perhaps like Iphigenia, I don't have a choice of what happens or when. The show must go on: February 17th or 28daysfromnowholymolyBatman! ...

But I think writing some of these questions out has helped me realize that you don't have to feel ready to be ready. You won't know until you try. You can't win if you don't play. And with that...I am done with standing on the edge.

My heart is racing while sitting at my kitchen table thinking about becoming one with Iphigenia. I can hear the wind blowing around my ears looking over the cliff. A voice whispers, "It should be fun" and I realize it's my own. I take Iphigenia's hand and push away from the dirt under my feet. We are falling and "my slip became yours, and our legs became one."

Pulse. Pulse. I go.